Monday, March 16, 2009


Is it Monday already? But I don't have any NMM material, b/c I am the perfect mother lest we forget. Oh, wait, yah, there was that. And, I suppose that counts too. Hmmm, yes, that was an interesting moment...ok, so maybe I have a few. (read:hundreds). I'll just have to stretch my mind to remember. (read: pick out which out of the hundreds make the cut.)

I think this week, we will focus on my outstanding virtues, and how they absolutely never falter.

Let us begin with

Because my patience levels never run low, and I always have a smile on my face as I try the same task for the millionth time, I would never become frustrated when attempting to put on baby L's pants. The fact that he is trying to turn over from his back to his tummy the entire time I am ineffectively getting him dressed would not make my blood pressure boil. And after the 17th go at it, I certainly would not blow a small gasket in my brain and just throw the pants at the wall and declare with defeated surrender that he will just not wear pants today, possibly whilst random curse words flood my mind. Let me assure you THAT would NEVER happen to someone like me, who has exemplary patience at all times.

Self control.
Some people just don't seem to have any of this, which I am at a complete loss of understanding about, for I, of course, have never once been tempted to eat a whole flat of mini doughnuts. And then done it in under 4 minutes. (And no, unfortunately, we are not talking about a juvenile youth group dare or competition.) And I would know absolutely nothing about how those 5 Starbucks empty cups ended up in my van. My only conclusive thought is that while I slept, my vehicle was abducted by a peppermint mocha addict (I hear that's the hardest addiction to break -there are special rehab centers just for this- so sad.), and then obviously returned it before morning because he realized that with 3 car seats, a half eaten happy meal on the floor, and a soccer ball hanging from the mirror, it wasn't much of a chick magnet ride.

Well, besides the aforementioned "Froggy" mishap, I have never once in my 28 years and 8 months of life been dishonest about anything. When out on the town with my 3 small children, I never get comments from people about how I have my hands full, or how I must be the nanny, or how I must have had my oldest when I was 12.And after one comment, which never was said, I certainly did not inform said nosy person, that my hands were indeed not full, because my oldest 3, who were at home, were wonderful helpers. After yet another lovely remark from a check out lady about how these could not all be mine, as I didn't look old enough, I would not have decided to flash her my wedding rings and respond that as a married 34 year old, I think having 3 kids is absolutely valid. I would have never said that, because that would not have been honest, and as any other blameless mother knows, honesty about trivial things to rude strangers is the hinge of a perfected life.

And finally, let's not forget, the very important virtue of

This one, anyone who knows me, knows that I will not have my life, my house, my kids in any kind of disorder whatsoever. Not acceptable. I would not have taken every item of clothing, yet again, in our entire house and piled it to the our spare room, to go through it all, yet again, to give away,sort,and wash every detail. And then, instead of doing said organizing, I CERTAINLY would not have just left it there for 3 days, and not touched a bless-ed thing. And because I have instilled proper table manners into my young children, I would never let them eat in the living room, which of course would leave no way of finding a half eaten english muffin, complete with rock hard raspberry jam encrusted on it behind the stereo speakers. And finally, after waking up late, did not rush the girls out the door to their library reading time, only to notice, as Princess B sat there in my lap, amongst 20 some-odd other children and parents, that she had a huge clump of sparkled up dried white glue in her duck fuzz hair. Good thing I brought her a hat. Not that that actually me. Maybe some OTHER disorderly mother, but definitely NOT...ME!


1 comment:

Danielle said...

i was just wondering what happened to the rest of your wonderful story you were telling in the beginning of the month?? Not that I don't love NMM. Your blog always makes me laugh. Love ya, Danielle