Monday, March 30, 2009

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Sometimes, life hands us something that we will remember forever. It may bring us to tears, or send us into convulsing fits of laughter. Or it may be SO gross, that we are scarred and damaged for all eternity. I have a story that does all of this. But, you will have to wait, before I divulge to you this sweet nugget of horror. Well, at least until the end of this post. But FIRST...you, oh lucky readers, are going to get a few NMM moments Speedy Gonzalez Paparazzi style!

I am a full believer in a child's autonomy when choosing clothes/hairdo's. You just feel free to pick what you love and feel comfortable and confident in and then, let's rock and roll and go out into the big ol public...except..uh, are you sure THAT'S what you want to wear? I mean, it's great and all...but...ugh...fine, let's go. And this is what the lucky Wednesday noon shoppers at Safeway got.
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At least Princess B only wanted her hair straightened. Too bad she looked like I kidnapped her from Who-ville.
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Secondly, I would never get so flipping excited to see the sunshine after many dark damp winter months, that I would drag my family to the beach...even when we had to wear sweaters and scarves cause it was not warm IN THE LEAST! That is just cruel.

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Third, I only eat organic. Everyone who knows me knows that. I would NEVER touch anything with refined sugar...let alone indulge in any of this on a pms whim...

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And lastly, before the big kahuna, I would never get sentimental about Queen S's loss of over a foot of hair, and keep some stands in a bag...and then forget to put the bag away...and subsequently find Queen S getting creative with her treasured find. Although I do think it's super cute, it's hair...and I will admit, that kinda grosses me out. (Oh, and apparently, our family now has a dog. ?)

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And finally...the one picture that one day will end up in a wedding slide show. In fact, probably 2 weddings...for it involved both of my girls and a mixed up mother.

Recently, my niece stayed with us. She is a single 24 year old, who is by every meaning of the word FABULOUS. Well, after pulling off a couple of days of extremely good behavior, (threatened by loss of dessert..hehe), my darling children could not hold in their little impness any longer. And oh, did they decide to go big. My niece announces that she has found some, ahem, poo...in the toilet. Well, that's not unusual is it? I mean, she IS from Saskatchewan, and maybe they don't have toilets there, but here in BC...it's pretty common. She then informs me that the poo is actually in the pretend "Baby Alive" potty. Okay. Again, this IS disgusting, and my blood IS beginning to boil, but I've seen worse. Wait, that's not all? The baby alive potty, now full of poo, is actually sinking to the bottom of the REAL potty. Good. Great. Let's go fishing. This can ONLY be the work of ONE child I know, and her name begins with drumroll.....uh huh...B. Well, I put her face reeeeeeal close to that potty, and say, "WHAT is this?" She does not even bat an eye, and claims that Baby Alive did it. Ohhhhh, now, I am starting to fume. My children KNOW that I do NOT tolerate lies. I tell her, she has ONE more chance to tell me the truth and then she has to help me clean it out and no dessert for 3 days. She looks down, contemplates a moment, then looks right in my eye and says, "Queen S did it." (Did I mention, that the potty of poo also has a blue plastic SPOON stiff in the middle? Mmmm hmmm. Not the work of a 5 year old me thinks.) So, I take that bowl, and say, Hold this. She grimaces and reluctantly does as she is told. I, of course take a photo, for the record books when I know one day it may be humorous. Little did I know HOW funny that picture would be. Let's just say, the guilt finally got the better half of my little queen, and she could not bear watching her sister take the blame any longer. Yep. I have a photo now of B holding a potty of S's poo, complete with plastic stirring spoon. Oh, was I ever a cruel Mother. (Side note, the ahem, "bulk", of the waste was removed before this picture. There was a lot more fun where that bucket came from!)

Without further ado, a disgusted B, taking the blame like a star!


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5 comments:

Richelle said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ok this is the mother of all blogs. tops for sure. sounds like something my mom woulda done. she once washed my mouth out with soap cause I said a swear word and I didn't even know it was one.. compliments of John i'm sure haha. meanwhile all three of my siblings are standing there watching.. but at least they felt bad. shallon even brought me a glass of water after. but this was beyond hilarious.. all the pics are wonderful though.. these kids are too cute. i can't get enough :) bree makes a cute grinch haha..

Skyla Bradley said...

Is it poo or chocolate pudding?

Your children are so much more entertaining than mine. :)

Anonymous said...

THAT is freaking disgusting. And amazingly hilarious. It looks like pudding. So S really DID do it? Ughhhhhh. Hopefully that made you laugh amidst the wet cheeks... and I mean the ones on your face :)

JP

Amanda said...

rotflmao......thats all I can say...wow this is super funny I was cracking up super loud at work!!!!!

I love the picture of Daddy G and baby L...( even tho baby L looks very very cold lol)

Mama4Real said...

ok I did it. I opened an account. Now you have to help me do what I need to do to make it beautiful.