Monday, January 26, 2009

T-Minus 1 hour

WHEW! One hour left on this fine, but insanely busy Monday...just enough time for one MOTHER LOAD of a confession! This hit the jackpot two days ago...I give you...
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While on a shopping adventure (disclaimer: all trips to anywhere are called an adventure when you bring along ANYONE 4 feet or under..yes, this includes dwarfs Garnet, and their hats.), with Queen S and Baby L, it was brought to my attention that a bathroom was needed. Sigh...store bathroom+my kids= never good. We find the handicap large washroom and Queen S does her business like a pro. That's when I notice Baby L is soggy and could use a refreshing as well. Of course, there are no change tables within a 50 mile radius, which forces us multi-tasking Momma's to get creative. At this point I will tell you that I did not decide to strip down and sit my snow white tooshie on that dirty store potty (cause you know I had to go too), and then just stretch out my legs as a make shift change table and lay all 26 pounds of baby pudginess on them. As the sounds of "mommy-tinkle" fill the room, I did not open that diaper on my legs to find a wee little bum hole suddenly and violently spewing liquid gold right in my general direction. I did not scream out a slight expletive right in front of Queen S who's eyeballs were as big as dinner plates, and who's fingers were appropriately pinching her nose. I subsequently did not look in my diaper bag to find I had indeed left the wipes at home. After a huge sigh, (and maybe another expletive in my head), I did not opt to strip Baby naked (keeping in mind I am also still half naked), and waddle to the sink, soak his Old Navy tee and wipe him head to toe clean..well, wet anyways. As now, I am completely focused on my naked baby, and finding a diaper for him, I neglected to notice Queen S's increasing restlessness. And yes, it gets better..seriously, you can't even make this stuff up. Just as I squat down, pants still around my ankles, to lean over the bag in desperate pursuit of anything resembling a diaper, I did not hear the sound that freezes my entire body and sends all the blood rushing to my face. The lock on that bathroom door did not just click from the red 'occupied' to the green 'vacancy'...thank you Queen S. And with that, a very unsuspecting Mexican woman got blinded by the whitest backside in the entirety of our great nation. And it wasn't baby L's. At the end of the day, I figured that I had gone though enough to grant me the allowance of a new outfit for baby L (well, I really had no choice with that one), but I also deemed it very necessary, if only for my prides' sake, to buy myself a new top as well...but let me assure you this...it was not from that store...or even that mall...oh no, you can BET we bolted like desert storm lightning out of that place. So if anyone asks why I just didn't go to the mall to get this shirt for 10 dollars cheaper, I'll just smile and say, I prefer to shop boutiques, guess I'm just a high roller.

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8 comments:

AmEz said...

Oh my poor momma bex ..... I as you were would have bolted lik lightnin as well ... although im sure your white as snow "expletive" lol would be a far better sight than some ! lol... ive missed ya !!!

Amanda said...

Oh I give you all the credit in the world for even attempting on taking the babes shopping....I pride my shopping as my mommy Vacation lol..Im sorry you had to go through that..

Cara said...

yikes girl, what a horrible experience!! Im so sorry, how brave of you to even tell us about it!

Jeniboo said...

Holy Moly mamacita!! Adventure IS an understatement... I am sorry, but I have to admit I was cracking up at your story! I know, how cruel of me! But u know, after all is said and done, stories like these are the ones that we always will remember and smile about!!! OH LORDY! U poor thing... HAHAHA! Baby L will get a crack out of this one when he is old enough to hear or read about it...
Hope you have a GREAT time @ the salon!
Pics!!!
Luv ya

Anonymous said...

I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Miranda

Anonymous said...

First of all, I've done the "lap change" before...I don't know what is wrong with public restrooms! Retarded.

Secondly, I've seen your white ass, it's not that scary, I bet that lady's day was improved by the whole thing!

Thirdly, Salem is threatened with every fear known to 4 year olds about unlocking the bathroom door...

caseylynne said...

OMG becky...'shaking my head" what can i say. i almost peed my pants reading first about you changing baby L IN YOUR LAP, and second that poor poor lady. Holy cow.

Skyla Bradley said...

LOL... seriously... If Eli even goes near the door handle, I threaten him with his life. Hahahha.

Um... why didn't you just lay a coat or spit up blankie on the floor and change him on that? Your poor little legs must have broke under all that weight... ;) xooxoxoxxo